Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
