I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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