I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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