I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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