I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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