I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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