so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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