Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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