mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
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he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
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as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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