I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
