are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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