While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Do vagina's smell?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
