help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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