i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
