Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Randomize
