i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
