That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
