do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
