I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
