Will you blow on my dice?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
