I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
