we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You dont lie about slip and slides
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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