If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
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I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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