Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
