I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.