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never play flip cup with pint glasses
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
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