Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.