I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
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another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
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Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going