Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
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we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
ttyl tear gas
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
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I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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