I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
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did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
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Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.