he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go