Texts From Last Night

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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  I need to stop coming to work sober

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  (808): I need to stop coming to work sober http://tfl.nu/5deo
  Replies (10) Good night (3496) Bad night (919)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care

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  (307): Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care http://tfl.nu/5v6y
  Replies (89) Good night (2182) Bad night (3691)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.

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  (512): You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore. http://tfl.nu/p34m
  Replies (8) Good night (1332) Bad night (3303)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs

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  (305): nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs http://tfl.nu/o6hz
  Replies (27) Good night (5392) Bad night (858)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances

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  (407): He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances http://tfl.nu/rv67
  Replies (50) Good night (861) Bad night (4049)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.

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  (619): The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear. http://tfl.nu/8fu9
  Replies (11) Good night (4922) Bad night (1903)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.

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  (856): Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever. http://tfl.nu/q010
  Replies (49) Good night (6234) Bad night (4825)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.

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  (803): He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing. http://tfl.nu/hr4b
  Replies (17) Good night (4466) Bad night (2166)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.

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  (404): Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy. http://tfl.nu/vwp7
  Replies (14) Good night (4443) Bad night (1533)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.

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  (434): We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them. http://tfl.nu/odfm
  Replies (4) Good night (1249) Bad night (590)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I can't wait to read your obituary.

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  (815): Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her. (507): I can't wait to read your obituary. http://tfl.nu/uin6
  Replies (4) Good night (1426) Bad night (576)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.

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  (405): I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me. http://tfl.nu/unn4
  Replies (10) Good night (1902) Bad night (488)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is

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  (717): I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is http://tfl.nu/wji3
  Replies (1) Good night (434) Bad night (532)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.

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  (402): A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were. http://tfl.nu/yo34
  Replies (1) Good night (455) Bad night (208)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.

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  (812): I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment. http://tfl.nu/p9vs
  Replies (2) Good night (495) Bad night (215)

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