I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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