I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
