Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
