wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
