Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
