i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
