a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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