if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
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just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
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You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back