Where did you get a picture of my penis
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...