At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink