Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.