I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask