I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
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He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
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I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.