don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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