VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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