Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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