you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
