Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
