it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
