Its about making memories worth repressing
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
