It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
