The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
