well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
