My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
