Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
