I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sorry about my life...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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