rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
