One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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