There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize