Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
