Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
