At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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