But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
