I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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