i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
