I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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