We won't sleep together?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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