Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
