so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
