Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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