anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
