i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
