I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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