There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
