Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
