Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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