Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize