shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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