I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
