Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The struggles of a small town man whore
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
